Episode 2: Being Born

Hiya!

Since I became a famous rapper and people read my story about travelling to LongDong and meeting my new friend Raymond and eating a breakfast and also having a few poos and writing some new raps and saying hello to many people I met in the street, some people seem to not know what I am. By the way, I did not include doing a few poos, writing some new raps or saying hello to many people I met in the street in my last episode, because those things happened to me after I wrote my last episode. But now I have said them and so people will know.

This episode is all about the time I was born, because as I said, some people do not seem to know what I am, which made me a bit sad. But it is okay, because I can explain, but then after that I will just be Tinie Tempura and a famous rapper.

I was born in the sea and was a shrimp.

I had many brothers and sister and we were all best friends. We mostly spent our days floating in the water a bit and also eating green plants. We didn't know any music, or arms, or London, or wasps, or bacons, or carpets, or photographers such as David LaChapelle.

One day, a large thing came down into the water and scooped us up. I have since found out from Raymond that this is called a net. I was happy in the net because I was very close to my brothers and sisters and we were hugging one another very tightly.

Then we were plunged into darkness and it was very cold. During that time I can't remember much, because it was so cold. But I remember being very excited! I got so excited that I weed a little bit and then fell asleep.

I woke up when it became very light again. We were in a very white room and there was a giant octopus heading straight for me, but the octopus only had five legs and was the same colour as me. Two of the legs grasped me around the waist and flew me up into the sky. It felt like a rollercoaster! I have been on a rollercoaster now, because Raymond took me to Thorpe Park. He didn't go on any rides on account of his disability, but he stood and watched me and I waved at him.

The octopus dropped me into a big bowl that had a thick water in it, but more grainy and cream coloured than water. Then the octopus picked me up again and then that's when things became really sad for me.

I think the octopus made a mistake, because it dropped me into a new sea, but it wasn't like my old sea because it was very very very very very very very hot and bubbly and it made me squeal and cry quite a lot and I was scared. But between my squeals for help, I heard a most wonderful sound. I now know that it was rap music. And then I was crying tears of joy instead of sad.

When I got out of the hot sea, I was me and could now walk instead of swim and then I waved to my brothers and sisters and then I thanked the octopus, who turned out to be a human hand and then I left and found a house and then decided to be a rapper and then walked to London, which I now call LongDong. And it was all really good and for the best.

The End.

Lots of Love, Tinie Tempura

PS, I have glasses on because the hot sea was really hot and burnt two of my eyeballs. But I am okay.

Episode 1: London

Hello, I am Tinie Tempura.

I’d like to tell you a story about myself.

Recently I travelled to London, to make my fortune as a world-renowned rapper. With me, I took my suitcase on wheels filled with three pairs of tiny shoes, my hopes and dreams, a toffee apple, a can of cola and one of lemonade too.

I walked and walked for miles and miles and miles and miles, then I rested at a Little Chef and had one of the little breakfasts, which has only one tomato and one bacon, but I asked to swap the fried egg for another bacon because I dislike fried eggs when comparing them with a bacon. Then I got up again and walked and walked for miles and miles and miles. 

Then I got to London. I knew I had arrived in London because the streets were paved with gold and breathing was a bit more difficult. There were many people there, all of different ethnicities and weights, but all being best friends with one another. 

I found a houseshare to share. I am now living with a wasp called Raymond. This is not very dangerous, because Raymond is disabled. He has no lower half and a cataract in one eye

Raymond is very good at giving advice and he cooks me my tea because I only know how to cook toast. Raymond says toast isn’t enough to eat when you’re going to be a world renowned rapper like me.

I am very glad to be here in Longdong, which is what Raymond said I should call it, to go with my new famous rapper persona. When I settle in a bit and am settled, I will start becoming a rapper.

Lots of love from

Tinie Tempura

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