Episode Eight: A Bit of a Sad

Hello friends and fan s. Remember me? I am Tinie Tempura and I am a famouse writer and singer of rap songs!

I have been keeping myself on the downlow lately because I have been addickted to a lot of drugs. I was just eating and eating drugs and drinking them as well and I even put a bit of drugs up my bum once, but then when I went to do a poo it came out by accidentally.

I am really sorry for not writing to you about my life for so very a long time. I have really missed all your giant faces. Big faces are my favourites because they are the best at showing off people's smiles. When I am singing at my concerts I like to find the biggest face and focus on it and blow kisses at it, because that is the best thing rappers have to offer.

I haven't really done vey much smiling lately though, because Raymond is now a no longer alive wasp. He died of being disabled because he had a heart attack when he was sticking it to a bitch. The doctor said it was a coronation waiting to happen, but I don;t really understand that though because neither of them were wearing crowns.

I don't really understand anything any more because Raymond was my best friend and used to give me loads of helpful advices and tips on how to be good at being alive.

Gary MOray, my fox manager, has given me some time off. He has writ to the newspapers and told them to get off my back about the drugs. I didn't even give anyone a piggy back though because I'm not a pig I'm a rapper.

Sorry that this is a sad episode of my life. It's just because I'm sad. Maybe if you sent me some money or some record deals I would feel really better and would be able to write happy things about my good life again. Because just now my life is like a bin and full of rubbish and mouldy rubbish.

Please send me some money to pay for Raymond's funreel. I want to make it a really good film for him because he was so a special friend to me and we were best friends.

Thanks you.

LOve fRom TI?NIE (Sorry my finger kept slipping off the shift button) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Episode 7: Being on Tour

Dear rams, I mean fans, and best friends

I have been doing my world tour for the last three monks, which means I have not been able to do any writing about myself other than my new rap lyrics because I have been very busy doing a tour and writing new rap lyrics. But now I am here at my slaptop writing a new episode of my life because I have a little bit of time between whores. I call my laptop a slaptop now because Raymond says it is quite a street way of doing things and also when you close it it makes a bit of a slap sound.

I just read that I wrote whores but I meant to write shores because I will so be going across the ocean again to another country. Gary Moray organises all of that though because he is my manager now. It probably will be North Korea, where a girl called Kimberley has recently died and I will rap about her funeral. It might be a bit sad, but no one will see me crying because I can't make tears after the magical magic that made me into Tinie Tempura.

I wanted to share some of my latest tour photographs with you so I hope that is okay. Here is the first one:

This is me with Mary Shoppings. She is in a film called Mary Goes Shopping. I am also in the picture with my friend Simon the Crocodiles. She is a crocodile from Pennsylvania and is does my tour coustimes for me which is what I dress up in during my shows when I get shows.

Here is another one:

This is me with Spiders Man and Gary Moray and Bernard the King. Bernard is the king and also an octopus, which means he has some legs.

This is my friend Wolverines from Wolverines 1.

Here I was in the club getting a little bit tipsy and having some mini crack.

This is a bird with what I did a bit of sex I mean hex. She was a big fan of Harry Plopper.

And this is the last picture of my tours so far and it is of me cooling out over in West Vagina.

I am in a bit of a rush now because I think Raymond is dying. As you know, he is a handicapable wasp with a blind in one eye. I do not want Raymond to die because he is my best friend in the world, even more than Gary Moray and all of you, even though you are actually all best friends of mine too. So please could you all send money to me to make Raymond better. He likes eating the papery money to make nests with. If you don't send at least sisty fix pounds then he will probably be dead. I think this is a Christmas appeal. Gary Moray said that often rappers make Christmas appeals to help people in need like orphans and disabled wasps to get money to pay for their wonderful lifestyles. So please help my friend Raymond.

The End.

Love Tinie Tempura xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Episode 6: Making the Big Time

Dear fans

Hi. It is me, Tinie Tempura. Don't pretend that you have forgotten me, because that would be silly now that I am a major crap, I mean rap star! Did you see me nearly winning the Mercury Reward? That was a very special time and goes some way to explaining why I have not written any new episodes of my life lately.

For those of you which don't know, the Mercury Reward is a special reward for being a really good rapper and also because good at the periodic table, which is what the Mercury Reward means. I have been really busy trying to be really good at rapping so that I could win but I did not win which was sad but I am okay and will just try very hard again next year to win the Mercury Reward and be the best raper in the world. I mean rapper.

Besides being really busy do the thing I have said above, which were being busy trying to be really good at rapping so that I could win but I did not win which was sad but I am okay and will just try very hard again next year to win the Mercury Reward and be the best rapper in the world, I have also done about 10000 wees and a few little bits of other toilet things too. Also, me and Raymond - remember Raymond? He is my disabled wasp housemate who cooks me delicious meals like pears in syrup and sliced cheese. He looks like this:

I do not know where is the special camera that I usually use to photograph Raymond has gone, so this is an amateur photograph of him. Amateur means shit, which means poo poo. I think I have misplaced my special camera in my moving hices. I moved hices because I am now getting a bit more rich. Raymod I mean Raymond came with me because otherwise I would starve and probably be lonely. I have some more moany now because Gary Moray gave me a product to sell and when I sell it people give me money. The product is white and looks like flour, which is something you can make bread or glue from, but the product doesn't taste like flour, even though flour tastes of plain, and if you eat a little bit, you go fast.

Because I have some more money as well I have been able to exbland my rap merchandise. There in m=now a Tinie Tempura doll that you can buy and it looks just like me because I am Tinie Tempura, the famous rap star. Here is a picture:

If you would like to buy one, then you can do that. You just have to get in touch with me, become my best friend and lifelong fan and then give me 61 euros. I can accept Visas if it is made from food, because then I could eat it instead of using money to buy food.

Loves of Love I mean Lots of Love

TINIE xxxx